Breathing….seemed like a mammoth task at the moment. What was that she heard? Was it the heart beat? No…it was the beat of writhing pain that her heart was in. It came in waves, huge ones.
The places to escape the memories, as if they had become extinct. She was being followed by the shadow constantly. Did she really want to escape the routine? She had no answer to that. She did however marvel at the audacity that life had to push her to move on.
The shock was still fresh and the mind was taking it’s own sweet time to register. How then, was it fair that she be forced to lead the same routine and move on, when the mind hadn’t finished forming the experience as a lesson. She forced her heart to take over because her mind wasn’t being able to connect the dots. The tide that followed when the heart completed the puzzle, was one that almost washed her away. There was no choice. She had to face the truth across the hours in her life. The shadow which was following her was what she longed to see all the time. How was it fair to say it never left her when she didn’t really want it to?
Every corner in the house, every small noise made, even the rustle of the curtains reminded her of him. She could feel his eyes following her across the room. Feel his warmth in her arms. All those times when she buried her face in his….seemed to be happening right now. This much was clear, this was going to take time. So she decided not to rush the process. She let the self heave. For that’s the least and the only thing she could do…allow the healing process to begin.
In her heart of hearts, she promised him, she will celebrate his life. Whenever she was ready for it, she will. For he deserved a salute for changing her life. For having blessed it with his presence and allowing her to find inspiration and awe in the smallest of things.
He would always remain her first baby. Mommy would always love him with every breath.
Mau Rao (November 14, 2013 – June 27, 2014)
You were loved and cherished and always will be. You lived. And will continue to rule my heart ❤